How to talk so your loved one will listen

couple talksIn the heat of an argument, the gloves often come off. The problem, notes Rita DeMaria, Ph.D., director of relationship education at the Council for Relationships in Philadelphia, is that once nasty insults start flying around and feelings are hurt, nothing will be resolved.

Also, according to a study conducted at the University of Chicago, our brains have a built-in "negativity bias," which causes us to be more responsive to unpleasant news. Why? Back in caveman times, our survival as a species was dependent on our ability to stay out of danger, so our brains developed protective systems that made it impossible to overlook the bad.

That's why you need to minimize the negative impact of your words. Remember, the goal isn't to upset each other, it's to resolve an issue. So instead of exclaiming "You're so lazy!" tell him how his actions affect you. Try, "I get tired of planning everything for us and wish you would take over sometimes."

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