Stop Trying to Figure Out Who Wins

Stop Trying to Figure Out Who WinsIt may be a lovers' quarrel, but victory isn't declared when one of you staggers back to the bedroom, clutching your wounded heart in your hands.

"People often fixate on who's right, which distracts them from finding a solution," says Karney. "Conflicts are resolved quickly and more successfully when neither party feels compelled to proclaim, 'See that? I'm right!' "

For starters, find something you both can agree on (even if it means admitting that, OK, maybe you do send him a few too many texts while he's out with his friends). Then focus on finding a happy medium.

For example, say, "I know it annoys you when I bombard you with text messages, but I get worried when you take forever to reply. Let's find a way to handle this so that we're both comfortable." This way, there's much less toddlerlike head butting.

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