Therapy is expensive and can be a waste of time. It can also be the single best thing you ever did for your relationship. When a marriage or a person is in psychological distress, the friend with the best intentions will usually say, “Why don’t you go see a therapist?”The friend is saying this because they love their friend, and they don’t know what else to say or advise their friend to do.
There are times when a couple should not go to therapy; sometimes therapy may be counterproductive, putting the couple in financial distress and deeper frustration that nothing is going to change. If you are experiencing any of these, therapy may be a greater strain than beneficial:
1. If you are only going to therapy to say you did it. A spouse who already has a new significant other and wants to ease their guilt by saying they went to therapy should save their money. They will need it in court.
2. Couples who are trying to fool the therapist. If you pay therapists to listen to your story, but the story isn’t true, I am not sure who is wasting their time more.
Knowing When To Let Go of a Marriage
3. If you or your partner hates the therapist, it may make you less successful with therapy. Keep shopping until you find one you both are comfortable with and respect.
4. If you go to therapy and engage, but don’t do your assignments, you won’t be successful long term. The assignments are part of the process. It leads to better understanding of yourself and your partner.
5. If you don’t prioritize the therapy and schedule it in to your life, then you will miss appointments. We choose what is valuable by our actions. You are telling your spouse and therapist that this isn’t important. Why continue to waste your money?
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