How to get her to commit

The challenge is to share your feelings in a way that will help you get what you want and won’t make you seem like you’re groveling and/or desperate. Here are some tips to keep in mind.

Bring it up casually
Given that overboard gestures might make a woman uncomfortable, consider doing what most men do best anyway: asking in a more laid-back manner. Make sure the venue in which you’re asking is mellow as well — no fancy dinners, no propositions in front of family, and so on. Remember: You want to be in the kind of circumstances where her saying “no” won’t leave you feeling like a dolt for an extended period of time. “I think while you’re walking her home or driving her home is good,” says Eric. “That way you’re not stuck at some restaurant with this giant rejection hanging over you if she says no.”

Never just assume you’re exclusive
This should seem obvious, but guys can still be presumptuous and make all kinds of embarrassing mistakes. “I was seeing this girl and I changed my Facebook profile to say ‘In a Relationship,’” admits PJ. “And she was like, ‘Who are you in a relationship with?’ I was like, ‘You!’ I could tell she wasn’t exactly happy about it.”

Make sure there’s a good chance she’ll say yes
The conventional wisdom is that women are always ready to have a boyfriend. And maybe that was true during the Eisenhower administration. But in the present day of Facebook and the near limitless possibilities of online dating, it is just as likely a woman wants to have what is euphemistically known as “having fun.” “Be really careful if she’s just finished a long-term relationship,” says James, a chef. “Or if she doesn’t return your phone calls right away. If your calls are going right to voicemail, and she doesn’t call you back for like eight hours, she doesn’t want you to be her boyfriend.”

Don’t go overboard
The guiding principle in asking a girl to be your girlfriend is to not appear desperate: No matter how good your intentions, you may never recover from it. “My boyfriend bought me a necklace and literally got on his knees and asked me to be his girlfriend,” says Shelia, a web designer. “I said ‘yes,’ but it was a little much.” Even less dramatic overtures can still feel over the top.

“I was at dinner with this girl, and I took her hand and said ‘You know I’m not seeing anyone else,’” says Zach, a lawyer. “I thought we’d have this romantic moment, but she just looked at me like I was crazy.”

Conclusion: You have to get her to say “yes” to the idea of dating exclusively before you are in fact dating exclusively.