Couples therapy may not work for you if ....

Couples therapyTherapy is expensive and can be a waste of time. It can also be the single best thing you ever did for your relationship. When a marriage or a person is in psychological distress, the friend with the best intentions will usually say, “Why don’t you go see a therapist?”

The friend is saying this because they love their friend, and they don’t know what else to say or advise their friend to do.

There are times when a couple should not go to therapy; sometimes therapy may be counterproductive, putting the couple in financial distress and deeper frustration that nothing is going to change. If you are experiencing any of these, therapy may be a greater strain than beneficial:

1. If you are only going to therapy to say you did it. A spouse who already has a new significant other and wants to ease their guilt by saying they went to therapy should save their money. They will need it in court.

2. Couples who are trying to fool the therapist. If you pay therapists to listen to your story, but the story isn’t true, I am not sure who is wasting their time more.
Knowing When To Let Go of a Marriage

3. If you or your partner hates the therapist, it may make you less successful with therapy. Keep shopping until you find one you both are comfortable with and respect.

4. If you go to therapy and engage, but don’t do your assignments, you won’t be successful long term. The assignments are part of the process. It leads to better understanding of yourself and your partner.

5. If you don’t prioritize the therapy and schedule it in to your life, then you will miss appointments. We choose what is valuable by our actions. You are telling your spouse and therapist that this isn’t important. Why continue to waste your money?


Survei: Ini Dia si Pemicu Pertengkaran

Survei yang melibatkan 3.000 orang dewasa ini diadakan oleh www.betterbathrooms.com. Keluhan yang paling sering muncul di antaranya mengenai kehabisan tisu gulung di toilet, lampu yang tidak dimatikan setelah digunakan, dan kebiasaan tidak menutup toilet. Dapur juga menjadi sumber konflik bagi pasangan yang dipicu oleh masalah kebersihan dapur.

Berikut pemicu adu mulut yang paling sering terjadi pada pasangan:
1. Tempat cuci piring yang jorok.
2. Toilet yang jorok atau bernoda.
3. Salah satu sering menggonta-ganti saluran televisi.
4. Kebiasaan lupa mengganti tisu toilet.
5. Kebiasaan tidak menutup toilet.
6. Kebiasaan tidak mematikan lampu.
7. Kebiasaan meninggalkan piring atau gelas kotor sembarangan.
8. Kebiasaan meninggalkan handuk basah di lantai atau tempat tidur.
9. Kebiasaan menimbun barang.
10. Kebiasaan tidak menyiram toilet.

Menurut survei, pria mengaku terganggu dengan kebiasaan pasangannya seperti ini:
1. Terlalu lama bersolek.
2. Mengeluhkan pekerjaan.
3. Tidak mematikan lampu.
4. Rambut yang bertebaran.
5. Menimbun barang.
6. Tempat sampah yang kepenuhan.
7. Meninggalkan tisu bekas sembarangan.
8. Kebiasaan meninggalkan piring atau gelas kotor sembarangan.
9. Gonta-ganti saluran televisi.
10. Menonton sinetron.


“Nobody is looking for someone like me,” and you are just so wrong!

no love“Nobody is looking for someone like me.” This is a “pervasive” way to look at your situation, declaring that your single status is both far-reaching and without exceptions.

But look at what you’re really saying: nobody is looking for someone like you. That is just plain wrong! Take the “specific” point of view instead: for whatever reason, the last few failed dates you had were, indeed, looking for someone different — but so were you!

You want someone who loves and appreciates your unique qualities and one-of-a-kind laugh, right? Then keep your eyes peeled for that person. You two just haven’t met yet.

You’re currently single because you haven’t found a specific person you want to settle down with who loves you completely. That’s the real reason you’re single. But if you want a relationship, decide right now that you’re meant to be in one and watch the dating world flock to you and your aura of optimism.


First Lady Advice on Relationship: Laugh with your partner

The First Lady of United States of America, Michelle Obama says it's what she and President Barack Obama do, and it seems to be working. Their marriage, although tested throughout the years by his political ambitions” for the Illinois Senate, the U.S. Senate and later president” is going on 19 years.

"I think a lot of laughing," the first lady said recently at a White House luncheon with reporters who asked about the Obamas' union. "I think in our house we don't take ourselves too seriously, and laughter is the best form of unity, I think, in a marriage.

"So we still find ways to have fun together, and a lot of it is private and personal. But we keep each other smiling and that's good," she added.

It also helps that Obama is "very romantic."

"He remembers dates, birthdays," Mrs. Obama said last week on "Live! With Regis and Kelly." "He doesn't forget a thing, even when I think he is. . I'll have a little attitude. I give him a little attitude, but he always comes through."

"Got to keep the romance alive, even in the White House," she said.


When kind of Gift I should give to my special one? if we have dating for a long time

Gift I should giveA funny thing happens on the way to Special day once you’ve been dating for a long time — people tend to take the emphasis off of it and treat it just like any other day. Expert says that it’s important not to take a relationship for granted at this point and not making an effort to do something special is a mistake.

Take the opportunity to celebrate together. It doesn’t have to be a classic candlelit dinner. Maybe it’s going shopping together at your local farmers’ market and putting together a little picnic while watching a DVD of a good movie you two missed. Anything that can make the night about enjoying each others company will be a valuable gesture.

What to pick for a special day? A gift that shows how well you know each others lives can be wonderful. It may not be the most romantic thing, but some silk long underwear for a honey who’s always cold or pre-paid golf lessons for a someone who’s always wanted to learn the game can be a terrific way to reflect how in touch you are with each other.

7 Kesalahan Usai Bercinta

Kesalahan setelah bercinta yang dilakukan pasangan bisa membuat mood Anda berubah, dari senang menjadi tidak bahagia atau kesal. Kesalahan ini sebenarnya bisa dihindari. Apa saja yang termasuk kesalahan itu?"

Untuk hubungan yang lebih baik dengan pasangan, inilah daftar kesalahan yang harus dihindari seperti yang dikuti dari Times of India.

1. Tertidur
Sebagaian besar pasangan menemukan masalah ini, dimana salah satu pasangannya tertidur setelah bercinta. Tentunya ini harus dihindari, karena dapat membunuh pesona seks itu. Tidur juga dapat diartikan Anda tidak menghargai kinerja Anda dan pasangan, serta tidak membiarkan suasana hati Anda yang penuh gairah yang telah dilalui bersamanya.

2. Pergi ke toilet
Menikmati mandi air hangat bersama-sama dapat menjadi tindakan foreplay yang hebat. Tetapi bila bergegas untuk pergi ke kamar mandi setelah bercinta bukanlah hal yang tepat. Biasanya, mungkin Anda ingin segera merapikan diri setelah penampilan Anda yang berantakan usai bercinta, tetapi bila Anda enggan melakukannya, sebenarnya pasangan Anda tidak akan keberatan. Terkadang Anda lupa, bahwa pasangan masih ingin menikmati waktu kebersamaan. Bergegas pergi ke toilet akan membuat pasangan nyaman dan merasa bahwa ada sesuatu yang salah dengannya. Sehingga mengganggu suasana romantis yang sebelumnya telah dibangun.

3. Mengecek Handphone
Kesalahan umum yang sering dilakukan saat usai bercinta adalah mengecek handphone atau BlackBerry dan menelepon teman Anda. Hal ini dapat membuat pasangan merasa seolah-olah Anda tidak tertarik dengannya dan akan merusak suasana romantisme bercinta.

4. Melanjutkan Bekerja
Jika Anda memiliki pekerjaan yang tertunda, sebaiknya jangan dilanjutkan usai kegiatan bercinta berlangsung. Sebab, Anda hanya akan mengundang masalah baru dalam kehidupan seks Anda. Cobalah untuk melupakannya sejenak. Momen usai bercinta harus dinikmati layaknya Anda masih melakukan hubungan intim.

5. Tidur Berpisah
Anda mungkin memiliki kebiasaan tidur berpisah dengan pasangan, tetapi malam tertentu usai bercinta sebaiknya jangan meninggalkan pasangan Anda di ranjang sendirian. Ini hanya akan membunuh gairah kenikmatan bercinta dan dapat menodai hubungan seksual yang telah dibangun.

6. Membawa Anak Tidur Bersama
Membiarkan orang lain masuk dalam privasi Anda berdua tentu akan merusak kenikmatan seksual yang telah dibangun. Banyak wanita memiliki kecenderungan untuk membawa anak-anaknya tidur bersama di tempat tidur yang sama dan hal tersebut banyak terjadi usai bercinta. Segera hindari atau pasangan Anda akan tidak nyaman dengan semua yang Anda lakukan.

7. Bergegas makan
Makan bersama pasangan bisa menjadi awal yang baik sebelum bercinta, tetapi bila setelah bercinta Anda bergegas untuk makan, ini adalah sebuah kesalahan. Tindakan ini dapat meruntuhkan seluruh semangat dan membuat pasangan merasa bahwa Anda tidak menikmati seks karena lapar. Ia berpikir selama bercinta yang ada dipikiran Anda hanyalah makanan.


Long distance relationship tips: making it works

You’ll need to look inside yourself and be sure that you’re ready to deal with this level of commitment. If you’ve been tempted to stray while she was still living in town, chances are you’re not ready.

However, if you can’t see yourself with anyone but her, there are a host of factors to consider when embarking upon long-distance relationships.

Agree on an end
There has to be an agreed upon goal to look forward to when you first embark upon long-distance relationships. Otherwise, you may end up stringing along the status quo indefinitely, which breeds a particularly robust strain of frustration.

Schedule communication
Make sure your phone bill is ready as well by switching to a new cell phone plan with unlimited long distance or make sure your landline carrier is providing the best rates. f you that will make the physical distance seem minuscule.

During long-distance relationships you'll want to go ahead and physically schedule communication time on your calendar. Your relationship is certainly as important as any other meeting you may have written down.

Schedule visits
A trip to visit your significant other every once in a while shows her that you still care, and that she’s still very important to you no matter how far away your loved one is. Don’t just go and visit each other though. Instead, try to create something uniquely you.

Raise your trust level
If you were in charge of planning dates and filling free time, someone else is going to be filling that role. It’s not an attack against you, so try not to show too much jealousy. Let her know you still care and love your role in her life, but you can’t be an anchor from hundreds of miles away.

long-distance lovin'
When it comes to long-distance relationships the name of the game is prioritizing what’s important to the both of you. If it’s family or a relationship that you find occupying the top spot, great, but you’ll have to sacrifice your career a little bit. If you are both career-oriented people and can put your relationship on the back burner for a while, then a long-distance relationship may be for you.


Why Do People Have Trouble Committing?

Trouble CommittingMany of us don’t focus hard enough (or long enough) on what makes a relationship truly satisfying and sustainable over a lifetime. Being more forgiving of a partner’s faults or more flexible about another person’s annoying habits may be difficult, but the ability to compromise matters. Instead, many of us are looking to wherever the grass appears to be greener.

Love, it seems, has torn a page out of the economics textbook. It’s a classic case of maximizers versus satisfiers. Maximizers are always looking for the newest and best thing available. If, one thinks, I stop looking for the best possible option, if I accept this person’s flaws, I won’t have the best partner I could possibly have.

Those are the people who might have trouble committing to anything, says Young, “whether it’s a house, a stereo or a person, because they are constantly looking for ways to tweak it — to make it better.”

On the other hand, the satisfier is someone who recognizes the things that make something — or someone — great, and doesn’t keep looking for something bigger or better.